Is it just me, or are there other cancer patients who are just a little bit defiant? I don’t know why but I just can’t seem to do what I’m told, comply with instructions, or act in any sort of subservient manner.

Its driving my wife mad.

I think I’m taking this virus very seriously, but she seems to be taking the government advice to a whole new level. Or is it just me?

My house is in lockdown. The 4 people living in the house are all having to self-isolate. We are all social distancing. From each other. And there is not a cough anywhere to be heard.

Me and my two grown boys are being scowled at if we dare to suggest sitting at the same table for dinner, or God forbid, share the same sofa to watch TV.

She is trying to buy everything online, typically at about 5 am. By about 8 am she is still number 9,482 in the numerous supermarket queues. To her credit she’s sourced a couple of fruit & veg boxes. This is great, but there is only so much you can do with a leek.

Everything that enters the house is now being washed and disinfected. Post, amazon deliveries, food, food packaging, hands, faces, clothes! I’m amazed the dog still manages to wander in and out without being shaved and dipped in Dettol.

Anyone who comes within 3 metres of the house, or is on the street, or in a shop, is an infected criminal hell bent on spreading disease and destruction.

For some reason I’m not sharing the same levels of hysteria. After the 16th leek dish I needed to go and get some essential items. I snuck out early last Friday to the local supermarket while my wife was still in her online queue. No one was there at 8am.That’s because it’s for the elderly and vulnerable. I had a flashback to being 18 at the entrance to a nightclub, as the supermarket attendant halted me. This time I was too young! How she could tell beneath my fancy mask I don’t know but I flashed my chemo card and was in, cruising the isles with about 5 OAP’s. Shopping done, mask off, hands washed; I was home quicker that you could say “You are now 8,764th in the queue. You have 5 hours 42 minutes, 21 seconds to go”. 

The bouncer at home was not impressed. I managed to talk my way in after promising a full scrub down and a commitment to showering with all the groceries. 

But despite the glares, tuts, sighs, and curses, I keep breaking the rules. On Saturday I took a bolognese sauce and pasta to my 84-year-old Dad. Bless him, he needs it. He views food as fuel. A normal dinner might consist of a parsnip, a boiled egg, and some beans. 

Yesterday was the worst crime. My cat is really old. He can’t look after himself and his coat is matted to a point that makes it unhealthy. Plus, his breath reeks due to tooth decay and he can’t eat. I love my cat. The vet said to bring him in. So, I did, combining the trip with another quick shop for some essentials, and to drop a bowl of chicken soup to my vulnerable Dad. I am masked up, gloved up, and stay over 2 metres from anyone. I also managed to spend an hour in my Dad’s garden chatting to my oldest friend who is self-isolating due to asthma and is a tad lonely. So, I’m thinking, box ticked for some mutual mental health benefit.

This time I was only allowed in after I bleached all the door handles in the house, external and internal.

And now I sit and plan my next evil jaunt while I contemplate why I’m like this. I guess I believe that everything will be ok. Perhaps having been told to “go home and get your affairs in order” due to cancer forces one to maintain a positive outlook, although I’ve always had a pretty optimistic outlook on life. My philosophy since that life changing moment, has always been to live for now, try and stay upbeat, and find humour wherever possible. Maybe I am accustomed to dealing with fear, uncertainty, and anxiety, and that’s why I tend not to worry too much.

Unlike my poor wife. She worries for England. I’m sure spending all day watching the news while juggling her social media platforms as the new death toll pings its way into her world is not the best way to ease the mental trauma. She has had to deal with so much over the last few years and this situation only adds to her anxiety.

I think I’m looking after myself, and those who rely on me, without taking unnecessary risks, or putting anyone else at risk, while following the governments advice. Or is it just me?

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